Breathe
by acochran5
Summary: Natsu and Zeref are everyday brothers who have a big secret. They are accidentally responsible for killing someone, and are living with the psychological trauma of committing such an act. Together, they're on the run, enemies of the world. Now, they only have each other. Will they make it? (Dragneel Brothers, AU) COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairytail**

**Warnings: Murder, Character Death, Angst.**

**A/N Heeyyyy, so here is another FT fic. This one's actually going to be a couple chapters long I think, not sure. But I'm finally doing one of the stories on the "Stories I want to make" board, haha. So here it is. I'm excited for it. It's not going to be a big project, maybe only one or two chapters longer, but hey, I said Human was only going to be three and it doubled that so don't listen to me. XD anyway, please enjoy.**

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Zeref glanced up at Natsu's wide eyes and then back down at his own hands, soaked in thick, blood. "Natsu…" Zeref whispered softly. "What did I—" Zeref cut himself off and put his pale, blood-soaked hands to his face to muffle a strangled cry of heartache, surprise, and fear.

It grated on Natsu's ears, made him drop down beside his brother. "Hey, it's okay." He whispered. "You didn't mean to."

"But I did!" Zeref screamed, entire body wracked with trembled. Natsu's words were muffled by the own pounding of his heart and the blood roaring relentlessly in his ears.

"You didn't." Natsu repeated gently. "We have to go now. We have to go."

"If I didn't mean to, if it's all okay, then why do we have to go? Why do we have to run if it's okay?"

"They won't understand that." Natsu said and silenced his brother's whimpers with a finger to his lips.

"You have to stay, you didn't kill her, I did." Zeref said fearfully.

"Shh, none of that. If I don't come with you, who will keep you out of trouble,"

What a joke, Zeref had always been the one to keep his little brother out of trouble. "Now come on, let's go." He pulled his shaky brother to his feet and supported his weight. Glancing over his shoulder, Natsu glared at the lifeless woman, this was all her fault. Long, bloody blonde hair strewn around her in what once were lively, bouncing waves. Child-like hands pale and limp with her forest eyes glazed over, almost like a porcelain doll.

And it was her fault this was happening to them. Odd to blame a dead woman, odd to blame his brother's former lover, but Natsu needed someone to blame. And that someone sure as hell wasn't going to be his brother.

"Natsu," Zeref said, his voice strained, "I don't want to go. I don't… want to live."

"You have to." Natsu immediately snarled back. "You have to be strong, Zeref, you can't leave me here, I won't let you leave me here! I won't. Now, come on!" Natsu grabbed his brother's arm and started dragging him towards the bedroom. We'll get you a clean shirt, grab some cash, and run.

"We're never going to make it. We'll look guilty if we run."

"We _are _guilty!" Natsu shouted. "And we are going to make it, you'll see. Now put on this green shirt!"

"Natsu," Zeref said softly as Natsu tore his other shirt off. "Natsu!"

"What!" Natsu screamed, turning to him, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks.

Zeref's face was blank, all signs of hysteria almost nonexistent. Natsu would've thought his brother was already over it if it weren't for the occasional tremble that wracked his body.

"It's okay. Just sit," Zeref patted the space beside him.

"Zeref, we have to get out, quickly! We have to leave, have to run, have to—"

"Shh, sit." Zeref said again, pulling Natsu down onto the bed. "Just breathe."

Natsu's breath was quick, a contrast to Zeref's calm, steady breathing. "They'll come for us."

"Yes, the will." Zeref said. "But it's okay, I deserve it."

"It's both our faults."

"No, it's mine. I drove the blade home, it's my fault."

"You only did that because of me." Natsu said, tears finally slipping, his bottom lip trembling. "I was the reason you had to do it, had to kill her. It's all my fault!"

"No, it isn't. It's mine. I decided to do it in a split-second decision."

"But you did it for me. If you hadn't been trying to cover up what I had done, Mavis would still be here, you wouldn't have killed her."

"Listen, take deep breaths." Zeref whispered. "No one heard what happened, the police won't be coming for a while yet. All we have to do is blame someone else."

"How?" Natsu asked. "And isn't that wrong?"

"As if we aren't already damned to hell. It doesn't matter what we do now. And don't worry Natsu, I have a plan." Zeref said his eyes calming and gentle, "So just breathe."

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**A/N Thank you for reading, sorry it's so short. But The next one might be longer, not sure. Thank you so much for reading. If you liked, please review, they mean love. See you soon, bye! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**WARNINGS: Uh, yeah, so there's some depictions of violence. Things are gonna get a little bloody and disgusting and to be honest, I cringed at some word choice. Not because it's necessarily bad but because it's a bit more graphic than I usually do. Just wanted to say in case it bothered you. Now onto the story,**

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"Okay, I'm sorry. I'll calm down." Natsu whispered, his eyes still wide and frightened though.

Things weren't supposed to happen this way. Natsu was still so young, barely eighteen. Zeref was supposed to protect him, wished he could protect him, from so many people. From the world, bearing it's fangs, and from his former girlfriend's misguided sense of justice.

He wished he hadn't killed her, wished he hadn't had to. But he was finally given the ultimatum he had thought of long ago. Forced to choose between her and Natsu, he had decided Natsu came first. Natsu always came first. He might've known Mavis since they were both eight years old, but he was the second person to ever hold Natsu in his arms. Only his mother had come before him, but that much was obvious.

He loved Natsu, more than Mavis. He would do anything for him, Natsu was his little brother he had taught to walk and speak and read. Natsu almost seemed like he was partly Zeref's child. Almost.

"What do we do now, Zeref?" Natsu whispered, glancing up at his brother.

"It's okay. We can just drop it in an alley somewhere."

Natsu wanted to question Zeref's use of 'it' but he didn't and kept his mouth shut, instead going back to staring at his hands.

"What about fingerprints, murder weapons, blood?"

"It won't be hard, little brother. I know the route Mavis usually took to get to our house and home. We can pretend she left our house and on her way home got attacked and dumped in a side street. Come now, let's begin."

Zeref stood up and stretched his fingers like a pianist, before walking over to Mavis' body. "I'll drop it a little ways from here, hopefully someone will see it."

"What about her cell phone?" Natsu said, reaching for the thing that had clattered on the floor when Zeref attacked her.

"Don't!" Zeref shouted, startling Natsu; he jumped. "We'll take care of that later. Now, I'm going to take it out. Help me. We have to make sure not a drop of blood gets out on our way there and splatters on the concrete or it will look like it was carried."

"I see…" Natsu muttered, though he really didn't. Natsu would already be caught without his brother.

"They will notice a lack of blood on the concrete where we place it, so we'll have to get more out of this body."

Natsu felt sick to his stomach. It seemed after the initial shock his brother was completely over it and was more concerned with the practical side of everything.

They dropped the body close to their house, but not too close, and left her on the ground. "Her blood circulation has stopped. We'll have to squeeze it out."

Zeref glanced from the body, to Natsu's face. "You go on inside and start cleaning up the living room. "We'll have to burn the rug after I finish here, but just start cleaning the hard wood. First, clean the blood up with a rag, warm water, soap. Then dry it with another rag and we'll mop the floor too to make sure all of it is gone. Don't touch anything that belonged to her."

"Are you sure you don't need help here?" Natsu said, trying to sound like he was willing to help but he was sure it came out strangled, and wrong.

Zeref smiled softly, "I'll be fine." he said and watched Natsu pad off into the house. Then he turned back to his lover and worked on squeezing more blood onto the pavement from her open wounds.

Her flesh was cold and he heard squelches as he worked for what seemed like hours until he felt he got a satisfactory amount of blood staining the concrete. She completely bled out after left there for hours, and the stains were enough.

As long as they washed everything it should be okay. Everything would be okay.

Zeref felt his insides churn, the reality of what was happening finally catching up to him. He was alone, in a dark alley, trying to make it look as if his girlfriend had been murdered by someone other than himself.

He remembered everything about her. How her skin, warm skin, felt under his fingertips. He remembered her breath against his ear, her warm, giggly voice. Lips, sometimes soft, and other times a little chapped, kissing him over and over.

Dragging her into the bedroom, rolling over with fits of giggles and laughter, her voice filling the air, he felt so warm then, so alive, so happy.

And now he was here. Staring at her lifeless body, eyes glazed over. He felt numb, almost like he was the one to have died in that living room. His heart hurt, it hurt so much, like a rock in the center of his chest, weighing him down.

He wanted to die, he wanted to rot away for the rest of his life. And he would've too. But then he remembered Natsu's voice, and he remembered why he was still here, after all this time.

Zeref felt tears come to his eyes but he wiped them away and took a deep breath. _Breathe _he told himself and took a few minutes to calm himself down, before he went inside to help his brother, to reassure his brother.

He wasn't allowed to feel this way. Wasn't allowed to feel sad or panicked, he couldn't be. He had to be the rock, the one Natsu would always have to lean on.

He couldn't feel this way, not now, not ever. It wasn't his job to be panicked.

Maybe in a way this was his curse, hell, damnation. He deserved this for what he put her through, for what he did to her. For how weak he was, how unreliable, how he wasn't there for Natsu when it was obvious his little brother had needed him most.

And Natsu turned to him, eyes glazed over for a second before he blinked and some tired life flashed back into them. It only confirmed Zeref's suspicions. Natsu needed him. Natsu needed him right now. So, of course, he was going to be there.

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**A/N I hope you enjoyed, this might be a little longer than I thought. Remember how I said don't listen to me? Yeah, well now's when you should probably stop listening. Maybe it's because the chapters are so short, Idk, but I think there's definitely going to be a few more chapters to this.**


	3. Chapter 3

"Okay, Natsu, you're doing great. Let me finish up here, you go shower."

Natsu slowly nodded and got up, heading to the bathroom. Zeref dropped to his knees and took the bloody rag Natsu was using. The murder weapon lay a few feet away from him, the silver knife laying there, innocently, as if blood didn't soak it.

Tears filled Zeref's eyes as he worked, cleaning. He could hear the shower water running in the background. He bit his tongue and finished before throwing the knife in the sink and checking his and Natsu's shoes to make sure no blood was on them.

Thankfully he saw none and let out a sigh. That was just one less thing he had to wash. Then, he got a mop from the supply closet and mopped the area a few times, ensuring that all the blood was gone.

Suddenly, in the distance, he heard police cars. Zeref frowned, not knowing where the police cars were going, but they were getting closer.

Zeref then glanced from the knife, to Mavis' phone. Then he started panicking, he'd forgotten the phone, he thought he had more time.

The phone alone wasn't evidence enough, he didn't think but he still wanted to be tied to the crime scene as little as possible. So, at the risk of being caught, he took the cell in a paper towel and ran it to where he'd left the body.

Peering around the corner, Zeref saw someone looking away from the body, their hand to their lips as if disgusted. Zeref didn't blame them. He snuck forward as quietly as possible, the dark alley suddenly more menacing somehow.

His breathing was shallow as he could possibly make it so as to not alert the person to his presence. He snuck towards the body, shirt covered in blood and carefully placed the cellphone a little ways away.

Then, he slowly backed up, not daring to turn his back, even if it meant that if the person were to turn around they would instantly see his face.

He backed out of the alley way as quietly was possible while still moving fairly quickly.

Then finally he stepped around the corner and breathed a tiny sigh of relief, even though he knew he wasn't safe until they got everything cleaned up.

Zeref sighed and hurried quickly back to the house before the police could arrive and lock the area down leaving him with little to zero chance of escape.

When he got home Natsu was dressed in new clothes and sitting on the couch. He jumped up when Zeref entered and said, "So I put my clothes in the washer, after I got out and then I realized you weren't here. I thought maybe you had been caught, where were you!" Natsu demanded.

"Out, I was tying up a few loose ends. Now, we have to hurry with the load," Zeref said, walking briskly into the bathroom and stripping out of his clothes, throwing them in the washer before starting it and showering himself.

The water pressure kind of sucked and it wasn't very warm, but it made him hurry and get out, hanging up the towels before going to his room and throwing some clothes on. He noticed the suitcases and clothes were put away so it didn't look like anything was out of the ordinary; good.

Zeref took a deep breath and walked out, "Did you put the knife in the dish washer."

"Yeah, it's almost done and so is the load of laundry, the rug is smoldering in the backyard, it'll be ashes soon."

As if on cue the washer beeped and they hurriedly put their clothes into the dryer "We're in the clear I think. I would like the loads to be done though before the police arrive. If they do and check in there to find only the clothes we wore today it will be a bit suspicious."

"Uh, why didn't you just wash your other laundry too?"

"Because I did it yesterday!" Zeref snapped and then took a deep breath. "Regardless, it doesn't matter. Now mess the house up a little."

"What? Why?" Natsu asked confusedly.

"The police might think it's too clean."

"Uh… but your house is always like this."

"I know, it's just—" Zeref cut himself off and sighed. "You're right, it is always like this. We shouldn't mess it up. If we do it's possible that Mavis' parents who've been here will think something's off because it's a little messy. Although if it seems as it always is it might seem like I don't care and am not grieving. This could cause someone to get suspici—"

"Zeref! Look, just cut it out!" Natsu shouted. "You're fine, okay, fine. You don't know she's dead, so you should continue on with your life as normal until you find out, okay."

Zeref sighed and nodded. "Okay." He said.

"Just breathe, remember. We'll get through this."

"I'm just worried. What if they search the house."

"They can't without a warrant." Natsu said.

"What if they have a warrant."

"Then we act like we have nothing to hide, okay."

Zeref nodded, taking a deep breath. "You're so calm it's… I'm impressed. Normally you'd be hysterical."

"Oh, I am hysterical." Natsu admitted. "But I'm keeping it in on the inside."

"That's rather unhealthy." Zeref said, smiling softly at him with an almost concerned look in his eye.

Natsu just smirked, "That's funny," and then his eyes turned slightly sadder, though his smile didn't disappear, "I learned it from you."

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**A/N Here's the next chapter, the last one or two may take a little longer than I have been getting them out, not sure.**

**To Ren: I forgot to thank you last time for your review, but I'm glad this story made you have such a reaction, that was kind of what I was going for, haha. So thank you for taking the time to share your reactions with me, every review I get means the world to me.**

**Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, as I said the last one or two may take a little longer but this should get finished soon. I'm mostly doing it so that I can check one more story off the story board and feel like I accomplished something this summer since I didn't do what I said I was going to. Thank you for reading, see you soon, bye!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Warnings: Mention of drugs, depression, and boy x boy**

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Natsu was always haunted by that day. He had to leave town, there were just too many memories there. He felt bad for leaving his brother there all alone. Especially after he'd help Natsu stop selling drugs, helped him stopped using.

But Natsu had always been weaker than his brother, knew he was, knew he couldn't do it. Couldn't sit in his brother's living room and be reminded of what had once stained the carpet and what had integrated itself so wholly into his soul.

He had a boyfriend now, Gray. Natsu liked him, not sure if they would make it, but he hoped for the best. He was another, sort of a replacement for who Natsu had lost because he couldn't handle it. Natsu liked girls, he did, and he felt bad for using Gray to get over them. Natsu couldn't love them though, any of them.

He'd tried.

First was a girl named Mira, but her voice was so sweet and chirpy she reminded him of Mavis. He would have nightmares after the nights he spent with her, horrible nightmares that had him waking up screaming with visions of blood-soaked girls with sweet voices and long wavy hair and he couldn't tell who it was. Sometimes it would be Mavis but most of the time it was Mira, and he would hear whispers in his head, telling him what he would do to her. Telling him that he would hurt her terribly.

So he ended it.

Then there was Erza. He loved her too, but she liked sweets, contrary to her rather tomboyish personality. He would take her on dates to several exotic bakeries where she would try some of everything and it would clear his wallet but he hadn't minded because he loved her. But again the nightmares would start, and he would imagine him taking Mavis to such places at times when they would be walking together with Zeref and stop. Her eyes would light up in the same way and she would instantly run over and beg them for some sweets. And he had visions of her begging them to stop, to not hurt her when it was finally time. He would wake up screaming and the images would shift so violently in his head all he wanted to do was curl in on himself and die.

So he ended it.

Finally it was Lucy before he decided he could no longer like girls. She was so sweet with bright, doe eyes and beautiful long blonde hair. He loved her too. But she reminded him the most of Mavis, with her soft smile, and understanding, she would hold him during his nightmares, kiss him, and tell him it would be okay. He should've felt comforted but there was only cold dread wrapping itself around his neck, choking him as she whispered comforting words. He cried and saw Mavis smiling softly at him, telling him it would be okay and hugging him just like what Lucy would do. And he couldn't handle it, the thought of hurting her, it tore him apart, killed him.

So he ended it.

And then Gray came along and he didn't remind Natsu of Mavis in the slightest. He was nice sure, but not in the way that Mavis had been. So when Natsu had nightmares they would be of Mavis, but he'd noticed a significant change where Gray never replaced her in his mind. The two never overlapping. And Natsu didn't mind him, Gray was sweet and obviously loved him, so Natsu would too, keeping in mind that he was safe here.

But the nightmares never left him. They would always be there, he knew they would be. So laying in the dark, with his arms wrapped around Gray's waist, he hoped Zeref was fairing better, because he didn't deserve this. He'd always been the gentlest, kindest person Natsu had ever known, and someone like that didn't deserve this kind of pain for protecting someone they loved. Natsu closed his eyes and took a deep breath, releasing it, before letting himself drift off into his nightmares.

After that day, Zeref always felt like he was running away from everything, feeling somewhat empty after what had happened.

And as Zeref had thought, Natsu's problem was solved without police interference. If Mavis had just listened to him that day, she wouldn't be dead, he wouldn't have had to kill her. He tried to tell himself it was her fault, all of it.

But it wasn't. In the end it was his fault, for failing Natsu the first time, for not being there when he needed help to stop. He was so proud of Natsu when he'd gathered up all the pills and brought them to Zeref, so proud, he wished he could tell Natsu now.

But after the incident with Mavis Natsu had run, far away. Zeref didn't know if that was because he felt guilty or because he was disgusted with what Zeref had done.

Zeref himself was disgusted with what he had done, to Mavis, to someone he'd loved very deeply.

Threw it all away for his own ideals, to gain what he'd wanted.

He didn't deserve anything after that, and he would've let himself be caught if not for Natsu. If he hadn't had to be there for Natsu he would've let it happen, would've punished himself for what he had done.

He was so proud of Natsu, but he wished he could be proud of himself. Zeref would never be okay with what he did, and he'd never be okay with what he was doing now. But he'd learned a while ago that it was useless to try and love himself. He was just incapable of such a thing.

Zeref pushed the pills past his lips and after he swallowed them, cried. Something was deeply wrong with him. He should've expected he couldn't just murder his girlfriend and then be okay, but that was what he'd hoped. Even if he could never be that.

Never be the kind of brother Natsu needed. Natsu had stopped doing drugs, Zeref wished he had the willpower to do the same. But they made him feel happier, they made him feel like he could get up, work, even continue on with his life somewhat normally. Was it so wrong to want that? Was it?  
He didn't know anymore, just knew that his heart hurt and the pills made him feel better. Even now, he felt better already. The tears were stopping, he made them stop, through his willpower, he had always had a strong will, but not even he could stop the feeling inside him alone. He needed help.

But there was no one to help him.

He'd pushed away all the people that could help him.

Maybe this was his retribution for what he had done to her. It would be a fitting punishment, he supposed. Something he deserved for what he had done to his family.

He hoped Natsu's life was better than his life, ruled by both pills and depression, and the constant feeling that he was undeserving, unimportant. Drowning himself, dragging himself down deeper and deeper as the days wore on. One day he'd die from it, he knew he would. One day he would drag himself too deep, the pressure too much. He already felt like he couldn't breathe, his lungs were already bursting.

Dropping to his knees on the tiled floor, his head buzzed with a million bees, and dark red blood covered his entire body, choking him. He wasn't even sure what would kill him first. The blood or the suffocation.

He silently hoped, on the bathroom floor, curling in on himself, screaming until it felt a million tiny needles pierced his throat and he could no longer scream, that Natsu was fairing better than him. Because Natsu didn't deserve this. Natsu who had always been the happiest, most energetic person he'd ever known. Natsu didn't deserve to feel this pain for what he had done in a moment of utter selfishness.

Zeref took a deep breath and let it escape him, closing his eyes, tired from not having slept in days. He knew his nightmares were going to be worse than reality because he would see her again. God, he always saw her. Zeref let out his breath and laid there, knowing silently that this would be his life, laying motionless, breathing until the day he finally suffocated himself.

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**A/N The last chapter, I hope you enjoyed, let me know what you think!**


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